A Healing Song for you...

When you get to the end of all the light that you know and it's time to step into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing one of two things will happen: either you will be given something solid to stand on or you will be taught how to fly.

~ Edward Teller

So many emails recently from friends who are having a rough time --- setbacks, flareups, no windows, more intense thoughts...  Please, just dig deep, deep down for patience and don't give up hope. There are too many success stories for you to give in to thoughts that you may not heal. I just wish those who are well now would return to share their stories, but I can understand them not wanting to even hear the word "benzos" again! LOL. So, for now, please take my word for it and give yourself more time. This song is really very uplifting. I've posted the lyrics below. I hope you will like it. Gentle Hugs and thoughts of wellness to all...

Everybody falls sometimes...
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think it’s more than you can take
But you are stronger, stronger than you know
Don’t you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard
Impossible is not a word
It’s just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody’s scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It’ll be alright
Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

Overcome the odds
You don't have a chance
(That’s what faith can do)
When the world says you can’t
It’ll tell you that you can!

Yet Another Video

This one is all about Lurve! :) With all the New Year's resolutions and Valentine's Day fast approaching, I thought this would be appropriate. Okay.. yes... I know. Who in withdrawal thinks about or is able to cope with romance? Well, at least you can daydream until the good ol' receptors are back in action. Actually, this is also excellent for improving existing relationships so whatever your situation, enjoy... :)

Friendships 

A note to my friends: Please, when I mention my “letting go of the benzo experience” and no longer being “a part of the benzo community”, no way do I mean that I do not want to be in touch with you. Some of you have written to ask about this and so I'm posting a reply here. Through my benzo experience, I have connected with some of the nicest, most caring friends anyone could ever have asked for. I would be saddened if any of you cut ties because of a miscommunication.

Yes, I no longer eat, sleep, breathe, research etc. benzos and I found it very difficult (to the point of near-burnout) to keep up with my responses to emails. I used to be up until 11:00pm many nights and it was just all too intense. I eventually removed my email address and am able to cope, but just barely, with the reduction in the volume of emails I still receive.

Many of us are now friends on FaceBook and you are more than welcome to join me there – you can either add me as a friend or just email me. Although I still receive many emails and won't always be able to respond within a day or two like I used to, I WILL always reply – even if it's late.

I genuinely believe that the Benzo-Wise book and the info on this site are useful for anyone in withdrawal but I know there's nothing like the reassurance of an email or better yet, a phone call. Oh, and I have changed my mind about using my lottery winnings to set up a Helpline! That would be perpetuating the “bury-head-in-sand” attitude of the people whose responsibility it is to do so. Not going to enable at all... : )

So, please keep in touch if you'd like to. Just click on THIS LINK and it will take you to my FaceBook page.

New Yahoo Group

Just to let you know that a new Benzo Yahoo group has been formed by moderators of the old group (which recently closed after 10 years).

Here is the new link: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/Benzofriends/?yguid=280562307.

At Four Years Off!

December 17, 2009 was my four-year benzo-free anniversary! What can I say that I haven't before? There IS life after benzos. Apart from all the other wonderful things in my life, I look totally different (no this isn't me but I've put a photo taken recently on the 'About the Writer' page! : ). Life is good... blissful right now... and I continue to be grateful and amazed at just how resilient our bodies are.

I would like to share a few updates:

Everyday Life

Life in general is great. I cannot articulate well enough how much the benzo detour has strengthened me and how different my life perspective is now. Withdrawal taught me a most useful 'trick' to enjoy life and boy, is it working in my favour! I know now that the key is to always, always live in gratitude, to somehow find and focus on what is going 'right', and to focus on NOW. Yesterday is about my interpretation of memories, and tomorrow is yet to come. It's easier for me to stay in the present moment and not let my thoughts freak me out! What a relief!! Intellectually this was an affirmation for me for many years. Now, since recovery, it is a way of being... my reality.

Wellness

This year was a 'funny' one in that I had a failed root canal that caused problems that I at first mistook for possibly a thyroid problem or a resurfacing of symptoms. This was not the case and once the dentist removed the cause, I was fine and still am.

In terms of residual symptoms, I still have tinnitus and the intermittent involuntary movements. I have accepted and become so accustomed to the tinnitus, I hardly notice it. As for the movements, I've learnt how to live with them. I don't focus on them or give them any attention or energy. They have improved and will continue to do so. My precious nervous system just needs more time. What I do regularly instead is acknowledge all the good things about my body and how well it is working.

Benzo-Wise Book

A revised copy which will include success stories and a few other changes (based on feedback) will be published on or near the 1^st anniversary of May 1, 2010. I have been humbled by the overwhelming volume of emails I continue to receive and am pleased that the book is proving to be useful. It is fulfilling the purpose for which it was written and I am grateful.

I've become media-shy after a few not-too-pleasant encounters with journalists where I refused to be misquoted or manipulated into making false accusations for the sake of a sensational headline. I won't compromise on my principles for the sake of book promotions. I know it will continue to find its way to those who need it.

The Book Depository still has the lowest price. The publisher, Campanile Publishing, continues to offer good discounts on purchases of 10 or more copies.

Emotionally

I have so moved on!  I am a tad embarrassed to share that I hardly ever log on to this website. I tend to do so if I'm updating the blog or I might suddenly remember to go check that the YouTube videos etc. are still current.

I feel light, no longer identifying with the benzo experience and have released 'the benzo story' -- my story is the one I'm creating for myself now. Letting go is sooo important. Having moved on, I am no longer involved in the benzo community and am concentrating on my second book (of a different genre) and my inspirational movie-making (http://www.youtube.com/user/BlissInspiration ) which I am thoroughly enjoying.

Well, I can't think of anything else at the moment. If I do, I'll write another post. In closing, no matter how your recovery process is unfolding, try to be patient, non-resistant and take good care of yourself. I know it can be challenging to not become concerned at times but please remember that your nervous system needs as long as it needs to recover. These drugs are potent and the nervous system is delicate though remarkably self-healing. One day you will be so preoccupied with normal life, there is much about now that you won't remember.

Coping at Christmas

When we think of the possible pressures that someone in the throes of withdrawal might have to face at this time (those either in acute withdrawal or possibly having an untimely, intense wave of symptoms), we will agree that coping is key. If you are well enough to interact then this is a time to be enjoyed with family and friends. However, if this festive season is proving to be too much, here are a few thoughts which might prove useful.

Depending on our personalities and circumstances, Christmas can be a very emotive time of year. Apart from the consumerism, it is a time for sentiments --- a time to share with family, friends and co-workers. It is also a time of reflection as the year comes to an end. If you've spent recent times trying to stay afloat while coping with withdrawal, looking back at your challenges can be emotionally taxing. Then there's all that frenetic activity: the shopping, decorating, gift-wrapping, entertaining and other social obligations which you may or may not feel able to commit to at this time.

Christmas can also trigger feelings of isolation and thoughts that create low moods. This, compounded with withdrawal-related challenges, may require extra effort to ensure we look after ourselves emotionally and physically. Also, it is important to not get carried away and to remember to avoid overeating and consuming too many chocolates, cakes and other sugary foods, caffeine, alcohol, and anything else that you suspect may trigger your symptom flare-ups; this includes other stressors that can sometimes crop up at gatherings in the form of heightened tension or family conflicts.

Here are a few tips for coping at this time:

• Ask for what you need – be it your own space, a listening ear, help around the house, even a hug.

• Interact with people who are supportive, positive and non-judgemental. Make a conscious effort to also be positive and encouraging to others.

• Avoid those who you find draining or too demanding (if you can).

• Try not to over-extend physically or financially. Don't tire yourself out; keep things simple and give only what you can afford.

• Say “NO” without feeling guilty or without needing to justify.

• Use positive self-talk, affirmations, prayer and anything else that you know helps to keep you optimistic and energised.

• Keep reminding yourself that you are recovering and that your healing is taking place. Think of how you were six months ago and acknowledge the improvements.

• If you can, find simple ways to share the love, peace and joy of Christmas and be aware of others who are going through difficult times, not necessarily due to benzo withdrawal, but to any challenge.

Saying "NO"

Here is a bit more on saying “NO”: As much as you care for your loved ones, you may simply not be able to give what is expected or required of you at this time. If you force yourself to do things against your will, you could end up feeling resentful and used. A good way of gently saying a powerful “NO” can be to keep eye contact and sincerely say something like: “No, I'm sorry but I can't do this right now” or “Please accept that I would love to, but am just not well enough; I promise I will as soon as I am able to.” If you find it difficult to say “NO” right away, you can ask for time to think the request over. Those who genuinely care will understand and allow you the additional space and time you need until you fully recover.

Latest "Movie" from Bliss Inspiration

Hi Everyone,  I know.. I am getting a bit carried away but I do thoroughly enjoy doing these little clips. This is the latest one which I hope you will enjoy. Now it's back to the books as an assignment is due next week. 

I plan on using some of my reflections and poems to make more videos soon.  If this resonates, please forward the link to those you care about.  Here it is:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DLKKYyh8yqc    

Take good care, Baylissa

Another Loss to the Benzo Community

– Colin Downes-Grainger

Hi Everyone, Unfortunately this is sad news... On Wednesday, November 25, 2009, Colin Downes-Grainger passed away.

As you may already know, Colin was a passionate, tireless and very vocal campaigner. I didn't personally know him but from visiting his blog, it is obvious that he was very dedicated to the cause. It is indeed sad that he has made his transition prematurely. (It seems as if we've only just said goodbye to Reg Peart and now, Colin.)

Here is the link to Colin's Blog on the Benzo.org website.

This link gives information on his books, Prescription for Injury and Blaming the Patient.

Rest In Peace, Colin

Thanksgiving/Gratitude Video

Hi Everyone,  I hope you're all keeping well. This is my latest attempt at movie-making.  If you do like it, please forward it to anyone you think will enjoy it.  Here's the direct link to it on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RjCTRt_f5sE